The Legend of Hercules (2014)

 The Legend of Hercules (2014)

Watching The Movie:

Do you like Braveheart (1995), Gladiator (2000) and 300 (2006) and want to know what it would be like if someone created an angry baby of all three films; regardless of how little sense it made? Do you like horrible meat head actors walking around delivering horrible lines of dialogue with absolutely no emotion whatsoever? Do you like green screen, and I mean a LOT of green screen? Do you like seeing punches pulled so badly they clearly miss by several inches? Do you like seeing people die from stab wounds that don't produce any blood? Have you ever wanted to see lightning swung like a whip? This movie is 1000% your jam.

Screening the Film: 

It's borrowing cinematography from much better films, so the messaging kind of comes along for the ride. Sovereignty, how it is determined and kept. Man in the arena imagery (man destroys his civility to survive) Vengeance and retribution. Loyalty, or lack thereof. Information asymmetries, mythology and legend, leadership methods.

Best Dialogue:

You made me a fortune today, Hercules.

Your trifles are of no interest to me.

- A man of great enterprise.

- "Great enterprise."

You want real enterprise, you take us to Greece.

- Greece?

- In the kingdoms of Greece... your games would draw thousands.

I draw thousands here.

- Thousands of laughs, he means.

- Laughs? What do you mean?

Let me put it this way, in King Amphitryon's lands... sport is war and war is sport. And between the two, the King... is Hades' most reliable supplier.

Now, they hold an event once a year...that is the most elaborate, beautiful and rich affair... You know, actually, it's not for you.

No, it's the purest stuff there.

None of this slipping in mud, dancing on beams. Oh, no. Just men on solid ground... wielding bronze

forged into shapes... even the tyrant King himself could not have conceived of.

- How is the wagering?

- How's the wagering?

My friend, I doubt you have the imagination to even dream of it. For example, in the final contest, and that means... the richest contest, mind you... two men fight against six. Six that have never been beaten

The Bottom Line:

It was about 20-25 minutes before the film ended that I realized what "The Legend of Hercules" (2014) was; it was the most awesome stuff that a 14 year old boy could come up with. Big dudes doing wrestling moves to one another, calling down lightning and using it as a whip. Nobody bleeding because that means people actually get hurt. It's a childish movie. It's the cinematography of the films I mention above with the tone and seriousness of "Conan the Barbarian" (1982) only Arnold's acting and delivery were much better in that flick. It has some value if you are a fan of terrible schlock, but if you actually want to spend your time on something worthwhile, I'd recommend doing anything else.

.75 out of 5

 

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