Twilight Triple Feature - Twilight (2008), New Moon (2009), Eclipse (2010) - Originally Written November 23, 2012
Watching the Movie:
Between the soundtrack, some pretty cool cinematography, one scene involving immortals playing the world's weirdest game of baseball, and a pretty badass fight sequence; there's about 20 minutes or so of this film that's entertaining. . . too bad the movie is 2 hours, 2 minutes long.
Screening the film:
Bizzaro-World Teen Movie imagery (new kid moves to town and immediately becomes the most popular kid in school despite actively seeming to avoid doing anything remotely interesting? WTF?) Vampire Movie imagery (immortality; the boredom that comes with eternal life, the hunger), the family dynamic; with focus on the parent role as well as the love between partners. Also, blink and you'll miss some pretty gratuitous messages about female empowerment and environmental awareness (though as much as anything, that can be simplified to geographical context for the northwestern United States).
Best Line/Dialogue:
"I leave you alone for two minutes and the wolves descend."
The Bottom Line:
Really? This is what sparks a worldwide phenomenon and earned a gazillion dollars at the box office? Far and away my biggest complaint about most films (including ones I like) is that "It was X number of minutes too long." Seriously, this movie should have lasted exactly 45 minutes and been shoved on Lifetime in between reruns of Unsolved Mysteries. The trailer I linked to this is 2 minutes long. the plot it intimates between badass vampire tribes is literally 15 minutes long and it doesn't even start until an hour and a half in. At the end of the day, all this tripe really boils down to is a few good looking people standing around looking sad for no reason while more good looking people look happy for no reason either; as a viewer the real question is why exactly do I care about any of them?
To put it another way, the most unrealistic thing about this movie, is that Bella uses Google, to find a bookstore, to buy a book, which leads her right back to Google. . .this takes 20 minutes. If you don't see the problem with this sequence, well. . .
2 out of 5
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Watching the Movie:
I seriously have almost nothing to say here that I didn't say about Twilight (2008). What little action that's here is good; and the cinematography/scoring is pretty cool; but that really makes up about 20-25 minutes of a 130 minute movie. Most of the time it's just Kristen Stewart moping around looking sad and Taylor Lautner walking around with his shirt off.
Screening the film:
Man vs Beast, with special focus as per all werewolf movies, the beast within. There's a few decent images of law enforcement and judicial prudence, contrasted mostly by images of reckless, imprudent behavior. Men vs Women and the women's role in society. Immortality vs mortality, particularly with regards to aging.
Best Dialogue:
"I gotta go. I've got a vampire to kill."
The Bottom Line:
Twilight (2008) was overly long and dull. New Moon is overly long, dull and has the added benefit of having a message that I'd be insulted if my daughter brought home. Basically, the movie is two hours of saying "Hey, if you don't have two completely gorgeous members of the opposite sex head over heels in love with you at all times, then your life is completely meaningless and you are doomed to depression and abject misery while you grow old and eventually die." For all Bella's talk about female empowerment when she tells Asian girl to ask out Asian guy in the first film; she's basically a functioning corpse throughout most of this flick, her sole purpose for existence being someone to pine over for Jacob and Edward. The key word in the title here is "Saga" as sequels in sagas are usually either awesome (The Empire Strikes Back), or completely pointless place holders to something better (Attack of the Clones). I'm hoping this was the latter, but I don't have much hope that anything better is just around the corner.
1 out of 5
Watching the Movie:
Some cool imagery, decent soundtrack and score, and what is action oriented is pretty cool to see. This is the 3rd time around of what; at least financially is a winning formula, so why fix what ain't broke. Thankfully though, there is at least something resembling plot advancement in the story line and the battle sequence; while all too brief, is actually pretty fun to watch.
Screening the film:
Combat techniques, teamwork, synergy, and tactics. Uneasy alliances, information asymmetries and trust issues. There also may be one or two images about choices, decision making and the consequences of those decisions.
Best Line/Dialogue:
Best Line/Dialogue:
"Imprinting on someone is like... Like when you see her... Everything changes. All of a sudden, its not gravity holding you to the planet. It's her... Nothing else matters. You would do anything... be anything for her."
The Bottom Line:
Eclipse is easily the best film in the series to this point, but so far that's kind of like being valedictorian of summer school. The writers finally decided to attempt to give us some reasons why we should care about people not named Edward, Jacob or Bella which is good, but then they immediately devote everything to either the love triangle to Edward, Jacob and Bella and send everyone else off to a field for some mindless ultra-violence. It's still entirely too long for a movie where 65% of the time NOTHING is happening, but it's at least making some effort to move things forward, and we're at least on the other side of the "would I watch this again Mendoza line, for the battle scene alone.
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